I remember phases of anger like that - over similar issues too. Except ticks, I have only hated them briefly, when they infested one of my dogs, but that was my fault for climbing up the goat trails in the Sierra de Gredos, Spain. I paid for my ignorance..... I was pulling the bloody things off Rasta for days! Ew, they are so nasty!
As for opportunistic shagging... yeah, been there a few unsatisfactory times. Not my best moments!
I lost my ardour for men completely about 10 years ago. Dunno what happened. Must have been a hormonal shift or something. I don't miss sex, so I was a bit surprised when I suddenly dreamed of a favourite ex lover several times last month..... I found out why yesterday. I heard that he had died around the end of May and, although I knew he had been ill with emphysema for about a decade, I was gutted. I loved that guy intensely because he would rant angrily about geo-politics in bed. Very unusual foreplay, I thought.
Anyway, he is free from all this nonsense now. I do think he came to say goodbye.... which was nice.
Thinking about your anger for a minute..... have you tried bashing things? I used to bash things. Pillows, mattresses, my son's drums (when he wasn't around). I would hang rugs on the washing line and beat them senseless with a broom. That was therapeutic until the broom or washing line broke. I used to dig irrigation trenches with great vigour too.... ran out of those after digging a couple of miles....
Nowadays my anger is a rare but fierce short flash. Scared the shit outta one of my friends with it recently.... whoops. I must have looked like Medusa or something cos she shot off and hasn't come back. She emails..... safe distance stuff, I guess.
Anyhoo, thanks for the opportunity to mention all of the above. I feel a load is lifted. Don't you?
It wasn't really opportunistic shagging. We had developed a relationship first, just hadn't met in person. But we should have waited, that was the plan, ha!!!
It was mind blowing though, who knew!!! But likely really complicated things. I'm really just getting that now.
I love your friends idea of foreplay! Perfect for you!! I'm sorry he's gone.
It's sweet he said goodbye!
I often wouldn't mind a ticket outta here, although it's very sweet right where I am.
Yeah bashing stuff is a great idea. I was just pounding on the door! I get stuck around the physical release of anger even though I know all these tools!!! Can't imagine why?!
I'll likely get the whole anger thing on my way out, my last ah ha moment!
I like your sense of humor even when angry! I'm not going to comment on the intimate stuff because it is your journey and not my place and woudln't feel right energetically. However, I think the issues around community and being human are nearly universal. This is a "squeeze" time where everyone's stuff is coming up. Very few people are exercising spiritual maturity. That's okay, but it's true. But it isn't permanent. This too shall pass. That doesn't make it any easier, but it does make it worthwhile, IMO!
Oh I wouldn't worry about it - you were quite clear you were expressing a feeling not an intent. I remember once doing a shitty shitty fuck fuck dance in a field.
Thank you Lily! Once I sat down to do an audio journal absolutely sure I needed a good cry. I ended up talking to myself for an hour on a high speed comic adventure. I was cracking myself up. Even listened to it later and had another good laugh!
Cor blimey! That was worth reading!
I remember phases of anger like that - over similar issues too. Except ticks, I have only hated them briefly, when they infested one of my dogs, but that was my fault for climbing up the goat trails in the Sierra de Gredos, Spain. I paid for my ignorance..... I was pulling the bloody things off Rasta for days! Ew, they are so nasty!
As for opportunistic shagging... yeah, been there a few unsatisfactory times. Not my best moments!
I lost my ardour for men completely about 10 years ago. Dunno what happened. Must have been a hormonal shift or something. I don't miss sex, so I was a bit surprised when I suddenly dreamed of a favourite ex lover several times last month..... I found out why yesterday. I heard that he had died around the end of May and, although I knew he had been ill with emphysema for about a decade, I was gutted. I loved that guy intensely because he would rant angrily about geo-politics in bed. Very unusual foreplay, I thought.
Anyway, he is free from all this nonsense now. I do think he came to say goodbye.... which was nice.
Thinking about your anger for a minute..... have you tried bashing things? I used to bash things. Pillows, mattresses, my son's drums (when he wasn't around). I would hang rugs on the washing line and beat them senseless with a broom. That was therapeutic until the broom or washing line broke. I used to dig irrigation trenches with great vigour too.... ran out of those after digging a couple of miles....
Nowadays my anger is a rare but fierce short flash. Scared the shit outta one of my friends with it recently.... whoops. I must have looked like Medusa or something cos she shot off and hasn't come back. She emails..... safe distance stuff, I guess.
Anyhoo, thanks for the opportunity to mention all of the above. I feel a load is lifted. Don't you?
Thank you for this!!!!
It wasn't really opportunistic shagging. We had developed a relationship first, just hadn't met in person. But we should have waited, that was the plan, ha!!!
It was mind blowing though, who knew!!! But likely really complicated things. I'm really just getting that now.
I love your friends idea of foreplay! Perfect for you!! I'm sorry he's gone.
It's sweet he said goodbye!
I often wouldn't mind a ticket outta here, although it's very sweet right where I am.
Yeah bashing stuff is a great idea. I was just pounding on the door! I get stuck around the physical release of anger even though I know all these tools!!! Can't imagine why?!
I'll likely get the whole anger thing on my way out, my last ah ha moment!
I like your sense of humor even when angry! I'm not going to comment on the intimate stuff because it is your journey and not my place and woudln't feel right energetically. However, I think the issues around community and being human are nearly universal. This is a "squeeze" time where everyone's stuff is coming up. Very few people are exercising spiritual maturity. That's okay, but it's true. But it isn't permanent. This too shall pass. That doesn't make it any easier, but it does make it worthwhile, IMO!
Thank you Lily! The intimate relationship was very beautiful and very healing, but in light of the whole likely not someplace we should have gone.
Thanks for recognizing humor in this, I'm not sure I did.
And yeah, such a squeeze! I'll just keep doing my work and keeping my boundaries clear. ❤️
Oh I didn't mean to make light if you weren't trying to be funny, but I thought the mask bit was hilarious!
Oh no I didn't take it that way at all!
And thanks for telling me. I felt self conscious with all the swearing and tire slashing.
I'm glad some of it was humorous!
Oh I wouldn't worry about it - you were quite clear you were expressing a feeling not an intent. I remember once doing a shitty shitty fuck fuck dance in a field.
And perhaps on re-read you can see that you have a fabulous sense of humor :)
Thank you Lily! Once I sat down to do an audio journal absolutely sure I needed a good cry. I ended up talking to myself for an hour on a high speed comic adventure. I was cracking myself up. Even listened to it later and had another good laugh!
Wow. Now I really feel the need to do "a shitty shitty fuck fuck dance in a field" - sounds wonderful!
There must have been something in the air; only three days earlier, I also posted about anger. :)
https://rayhorvaththesource.substack.com/p/on-anger
Oh thank you for telling me. Wasn't sure if I had put a clear enough disclaimer up for language and graphic images.
I'm sure I struggle with that too!!!!