I sat with a no

I sat in complete silence and stillness

For days my body was screaming at me and I was running

Into distraction

Into fear

Today I sat and said okay

I sat with a no

No I don't want to be here

No I don't want to eat

No to anything and everything

And so I sat in stillness all day and listened

To the quiet whispers

To the fear

To the heartache and despair

I let go and listened and stopped.

Let myself not understand, not know.