an obliteration

You rolled over me

extinguishing breath.

You became a habit.

Now I am looking for the needle for my arm. Desperately looking for another fix of something I do not want.

The paper of me crumpled and tossed.

All the stories written out, the ones I tell myself, the ones that are true, the ones I can’t quite see, all the layers of yesterdays crumpled up with today.

Nightmares come back.

The confusion of the deepest pain looking for purchase, for expression yet again.

A deeper unwinding, impossible to bear.

Is this a gift or something unsurvivable.

Yes thrashing, thrashing about. Pushing you off of me, screaming no so loudly no one can hear.

Was this love or another silent choking of me.